Bard’s Oration 2002
“Bard’s Eye View”
Is there for unearned luxury
That turns their heids and a’ that?
The Royal Crew wi’ nought tae do
Get intae scrapes and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Their silver spoons an’ a’ that
Their lofty rank, their pomp and swank
Don’t hide the truth for a’ that
The patriarch is Phil the Greek
A Deportee for a’ that
His wife’s a bore, his son’s a geek
Wha talks tae trees and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Their Andys, Eds and a’ that
The one real man is Princess Anne
She speaks some sense for a’ that
They hae a hoose near Aberdeen
Paid by the State and a’ that
Where twice a year they dress in kilts
And murder beasts and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Their Beaufort Hunts and a’ that
For Fox and Hare, they claim tae care
Yet slaughter them for a’ that
Ye see you yon berk the Duke o’ York
What does he dae for a’ that ?
He’s permanently oot o’ work
But nae new deal for a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
His rounds of golf and a’ that
He once sailed ships, noo gets free trips
Around the world and a’ that
The Earl o’ Wessex what a wimp
Ex Royal Marine and a’ that
Sells Royal Stories like a pimp
Tae earn a crust and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
He took a wife for a’ that
But as a Fence her business sense
Has no helped him for a’ that
Now Princess Anne is quite a guy
A rugby fan and a’ that
Supports the Scottish Team forbye
If that makes sense and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Her equerry and a’ that
Unlike the nobs her brood have jobs
They earn their corn for a’ that
And then there’s Chuck wha just by luck
Is son and heir for a’ that
In love wi’ Mrs Parker-Bowles
Lord what a pair for a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
They’re horsey types and a’ that
Their love is blind she walks behind
Tae please his Mum and a’ that
The Royal Princes Wills and Har
Right tearaways and a’ that
Wi debutants will have a ball
Wed virgin wives for a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Hypocracy and a’ that
The usual mess will please the press
They hae na learned for a’ that
Prince William’s noo a student braw
St Andrews (woo) and a’ that
His faither didna love his maw
Yet mairrit her for a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
The next Royal Stud and a’ that
Will he be bold and break the mould
And wed for love or a’ that
Now take young Harry he’s a prince
Gets intae fights and a’ that
When he’s no drunk his heids a’ mince
Wi smoking spliffs and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
His drunken brawls and a’ that
If he cam frae the common stock
He’d be in jail for a’ that
Last there’s great granny, auld Queen Liz
Bionic hips and a’ that
A testimonial for gin fizz
And private care and a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
Her thoroughbreds and a’ that
Though she’s a Scot the odd “Mein Gott”
Escapes her lips and a’ that
But come what may, the papers say
They’ll still be there for a’ that
For lacking them, what would they dae
Tae sell their rags for a’ that
For a’ that and a’ that
The Royal Soap and a’ that,
This time next year, will still be here
So thole them now for a’ that
Bill Hill
January 2002