2002 – “Bard’s Eye View”

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Bard’s Oration 2002

Bard’s Eye View

 

Is there for unearned luxury

That turns their heids and a’ that?

The Royal Crew wi’ nought tae do

Get intae scrapes and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Their silver spoons an’ a’ that

Their lofty rank, their pomp and swank

Don’t hide the truth for a’ that

 

The patriarch is Phil the Greek

A Deportee for a’ that

His wife’s a bore, his son’s a geek

Wha talks tae trees and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Their Andys, Eds and a’ that

The one real man is Princess Anne

She speaks some sense for a’ that

 

They hae a hoose near Aberdeen

Paid by the State and a’ that

Where twice a year they dress in kilts

And murder beasts and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Their Beaufort Hunts and a’ that

For Fox and Hare, they claim tae care

Yet slaughter them for a’ that

 

Ye see you yon berk the Duke o’ York

What does he dae for a’ that ?

He’s permanently oot o’ work

But nae new deal for a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

His rounds of golf and a’ that

He once sailed ships, noo gets free trips

Around the world and a’ that

 

The Earl o’ Wessex what a wimp

Ex Royal Marine and a’ that

Sells Royal Stories like a pimp

Tae earn a crust and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

He took a wife for a’ that

But as a Fence her business sense

Has no helped him for a’ that

 

Now Princess Anne is quite a guy

A rugby fan and a’ that

Supports the Scottish Team forbye

If that makes sense and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Her equerry and a’ that

Unlike the nobs her brood have jobs

They earn their corn for a’ that

 

And then there’s Chuck wha just by luck

Is son and heir for a’ that

In love wi’ Mrs Parker-Bowles

Lord what a pair for a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

They’re horsey types and a’ that

Their love is blind she walks behind

Tae please his Mum and a’ that

 

The Royal Princes Wills and Har

Right tearaways and a’ that

Wi debutants will have a ball

Wed virgin wives for a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Hypocracy and a’ that

The usual mess will please the press

They hae na learned for a’ that

 

Prince William’s noo a student braw

St Andrews (woo) and a’ that

His faither didna love his maw

Yet mairrit her for a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

The next Royal Stud and a’ that

Will he be bold and break the mould

And wed for love or a’ that

 

Now take young Harry he’s a prince

Gets intae fights and a’ that

When he’s no drunk his heids a’ mince

Wi smoking spliffs and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

His drunken brawls and a’ that

If he cam frae the common stock

He’d be in jail for a’ that

 

Last there’s great granny, auld Queen Liz

Bionic hips and a’ that

A testimonial for gin fizz

And private care and a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

Her thoroughbreds and a’ that

Though she’s a Scot the odd “Mein Gott”

Escapes her lips and a’ that

 

But come what may, the papers say

They’ll still be there for a’ that

For lacking them, what would they dae

Tae sell their rags for a’ that

For a’ that and a’ that

The Royal Soap and a’ that,

This time next year, will still be here

So thole them now for a’ that

 

Bill Hill

January 2002