Bard’s Oration 2013
“Nineteen Eighty-Four”
Some of you are here to see Bill Hill,
Give his Oration, laced with much mirth
And what have you got, instead of the Bard
But me ! for all that I’m worth
Jimmie Dunbar’s to blame….. late 1983,
We were having a pint up in Brows,
Why don’t you come, to Let it Blaw,
he suggested, while ordering a round
You’ll have to, give us a Song says Jim,
Or some of Rabbie’s verse,
Nobody will care that you’re useless at that,
So long as you get off your erse.
So along I went, to the Kestrel Hotel
To the wee room, mind, through the back,
A hundred folk were all crammed in
For an evening with Burns and the crack
Eddie McCue, sat in the Chair,
A fine, dramatic referee
He called the Toasts, he called the Songs,
With occasional stops for a pee.
Kerr Cowan’s pipes were blawn up
As he marched in the haggis sae braw,
Gavin Scott wi’ knife, saw tae the Address,
Bashed Neeps an’ tatties an’ a’
And then….. oh whit a glorious sight,
The Meenister, Reverend David Ogston,
He gave us the Grace, poured a dram, rolled a fag,
Then sat down to write next morning’s sermon
A “Man’s a Man” started it off
Dunbar’s voice, was in fine fettle
And everyone joined him in singing the song
He fairly showed his metal
But the song, it wasnae nearly enough
to satisfy Chairman Eddie,
For Jimmie was called, to speak again right away,
To propose the Immortal Memory
Jimmie, I have to apologise
I can’t remember a damn thing about it,
But Jimmy Johnstone was called, ……. and he said it was great
And the Company a’ clapped in agreement.
Dave Tanner stood up and Toasted the Girls
In a fine and gentlemanly fashion,
Loppy Ramsay, excited at the thought of a Lass
Downed a dram to control his frustration.
The Toast ‘Let it Blaw’, as I found out,
is proposed with sentiment and feeling,
Jim Tait told stories a’ our cronies long gone
And some that were wi’ us that evening
Ken McDonald was next, ‘New Members’ to greet
And he did so without hesitation,
He welcomed them into the Club’s friendly fold,
Willie Shanks then gave chase for subscriptions
Jack McCaig sang a song, I’d ne’er heard the like
He was called up to sing by the Croupier
“The Balerno Song” was what it was called
It was sung at our very first Supper
The awful moment came, Eddie shouted my name,
It was time for my first recitation
Tam Sampson it was, that I struggled to quote
But I got there, and got an ovation.
Are they clapping for me? I thought while I crashed
back down in my seat with exhaustion,
They’re not as bad as I thought, these affable folk,
I’ll come back for next year’s Celebration.
Now the next bit, is for you folk out there,
who’ve never got up off of your erses,
It’s no’ as bad as you think, as you pour out a drink,
To get through a few of Burns’ verses
Loppy, now calm, got in to his goon
Holy Willie, wasn’t looking too sober,
Was a while since he’d managed a lawless leg up,
Never mind get it all the way over
Not one accordion but two, …. to give us some tunes,
Angus Swan and our cronie Bill Grieve
Angus’ fingers flew over the notes
While Bill gave his box a big squeeze
John Mathers produced, an old whisky box,
Its contents were, very gently emptied,
‘To a Mouse’ ran aboot on the page of his book,
And shit on his hand when recited
Twa Dogs, they were there but, it wisnae me,
Wi’ Jimmy to play the part Luath
Willie Wardrop it was, that barked with my pal,
Willie wasn’t as good as he could’ve
Jack McCaig never one, to be outdone by the rest
Set off with a braw Tam O Shanter
He rode a cheap chair which collapsed on the flair
And sparked mair hilarious banter.
Willie Shanks, once again, was invited to give
The Club’s traditional, “Bard’s Oration”
Twenty years had long gone, since he took up the pen
And delivered his first Presentation.
But the Toasts weren’t done, ‘Guests and Artistes’ remained,
Malcolm Smith, was given the Honour,
Loppy replied, was pissed by this time,
So he slavered kind words to his Gaffer.
So that was how, it all started for me,
The next Year I proposed my first Toast,
And thirty years on, as I stand here as Bard
Well…..is this the job I’ve really liked most ?
When I think of those cronies from 1984,
Who’re no longer here, dear departed,
Let’s all take this chance, to remember their names,
For a moment we’re all reunited
Eddie McCue, Willie Shanks, David Ogston, Jim Tait,
Dave Tanner, Bill Ramsay, Bill Grieve
They’re gone ! ….. but not forgotten
albeit they’ve taken their leave
So Gentlemen, please charge your glasses,
Be upstanding and join me in Toast,
To our Cronies now dearly departed
And their friendship we all valued close.
[ Toast : “Absent Friends” ]
Alex J Hood
January 2013