A bard we need, quoth Big Mac Sporran
A hame grown yin. No wan that’s foreign
He need not be smart but jist be wan o’ us
Gie auld Mc Gowan the part. The vote’s unanimous.
So I am charged tae write yez verse
Ma face as rid as a well skelped erse.
And if ma lines don’t always scan-
Ah you guys wull understand.
Next fur discussion was the supper’s menu
Nae need fur change. Not so the venue.
The boolin club is quite a squeezer
Fur ninety guys as big as we are.
Thus spake the Chair wi wavering voice
Maybe we have anither choice
Tae leave the Boolin Club wid be a pity
But there is concern in this commitee
The Rugby Club has space a plenty
It could tak in another ten or twenty.
Less chance of haggis drappin’ on yer kilt
Or hot soup doon yer neck be spilt.
Then bedlam broke oot and uproar.
Each member sought to claim the floor
Each keen tae get intae the action
And tae support their favoured fraction.
For the Rugby Club there were loud calls
Frae the guys wha play wi’ odd shaped balls
There’s one- sided bias in a bool
A learnt that lesson at the school.
The boolers don’t want the club tae go
And keep the present “Status quo.”
Some o’ them were really furious.
Some points they raised were really curious.
We don’t need hot soup – said one quite cheekie.
I never liked yon Cockaleekie.
Vichyssoise is a soup that’s cauld.
A spill of it wid nae wan scald.
Hae the supper in June. It’s then much warmer
And can rent a field frae a local farmer
And change oor caterer tae Tesco
Then hae oor supper as alfresco.
Swayed by the Chairman’s fine oration
We’re here but once. It’s on probation
Thank God he found a compromise
Withoot “Jeely Noses” and “Black Eyes”
We’ll try it only for a year
Then judge the background noise we hear
And any other imperfections
We’ll then discuss, - Ony mair objections?
Well that’s it ower Ah did ma best
I ken few members are impressed
Wae whit they heard and whit they saw
The nicht’s bardic ode at “Let it Blaw”
I did not know it wid be this hard
Tae follow Alex as club bard.
Andy McGowan
26th January 2019